This past summer, I wrote a series of articles on the topic Leaving A Legacy for the Girlfrientit.com site. I am on a never ending mission to figure out how to be in the moment while establishing a lasting legacy. My husband and I constantly and consistently work on establishing values and morals centered in Christ as the foundation of our family structure. Obviously, we are aware that our day to day actions are what build (or tear down) our legacy. Although this has proven to be a challenging feat, I am discovering that doing so in accordance with the four separate personalities of our children demands a tremendous amount of work on our part as parents.
I think as parents we have a moment when we are wondering why one of our children is so difficult or we clash with one more than the others. Then one day, all of a sudden, as we are looking them right in the eyes, we realize we might as well be looking in the mirror. The reason for the friction is because they are a clone of ourselves or the miniature version of our significant other. Fortunately, there are plenty of ways to figure out the personalities of each of our family members. There is even a personality test on this site. Once we know each others personality we can adapt our demeanor to best deal with each other. What I struggle with is trying not to corrupt my children with my own dreams and aspirations for them, paired with putting them in a labeled box.
It is exhausting just to manage the everyday of our household, getting the kids to school, homework and the limited extra curricular activities they are allowed all while maintaining a thriving relationship with my husband. As the kids get older we are getting a clearer vision of their unique gifts and very different personalities. Their common denominator is that they are all very much strong willed and competitive.
Our oldest Kaleb, my step-son, is a senior in high school and has just been accepted into ASU’s School of Engineering. Although he has had to adjust to the whole blended family thing, we have learned to concentrate on our time with him and put the rest in hands greater than ours. For Kaleb, it has been important to me from day one not to separate him in any way from the rest of our family. He is in his fourth year of wrestling and we have made it to nearly every match. A difficult accomplishment when at some point throughout the years we have had toddlers, been pregnant, nursing, changing diapers, potty training and taking kids out of school all to support him. The greatest reward in all of the madness of sitting in a dirty smelly gym for 12 hour days came this year when he made it a point to thank us for coming after every match. A sign of affirmation to us as parents of his growth. It is very difficult to let go and watch him spread his wings and even more difficult to follow through on the discipline that has had to come when he has made poor choices. Our obstacle in parenting him is figuring out our place in his soon to be adult life and adjusting our boundaries from child to man.
Karisa, is eight and in the third grade. As much as I wish she was more athletic and had a passion for sports as I did, she does not. She is very quiet and enjoys the more artistic side of life. She loves to draw, read write and recently has fallen in love with taking pictures. My biggest obstacle in parenting her is getting her to talk to me. Her answer for everything is “I don’t know.” She even refuses to pick a favorite anything: part of a book, part of a movie, part of the day, etc. It kills me mostly because of the pressure I put on myself to have a meaningful mother/daughter relationship with her. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.
Kaiden is 5 and in kindergarten. We have been blessed with kindest spirit. He is always thinking of others, especially his sisters. He naturally puts others before himself and is the peacemaker in any situation. No matter where we are or what we are doing, strangers always have a comment about his contagious spirit. He is also truly wild at heart. The kid is on the go from the moment he opens his eyes until the second they shut at night. My greatest obstacle parenting him is trying not to crush his spirit while giving him the discipline he requires.
Kailey is 2. She is a firecracker. She definitely has a mind of her own and knows exactly what she wants. It is very funny to me how girly and unruly she is all at the same time. She loves to play with her babies, just like a real mommy and enjoys pretending (and on occasion has managed for real) to put on make up. She loves to sing, dance, and play dress up. It is really amazing since none of the girly stuff comes from me or her older sister. At the same time she has managed to bring Kaiden to his knees and loves to watch sports. My biggest obstacle in parenting her is to actually parent her instead of giving in, in order to keep the peace.
The most common New Year Resolutions are to loose weight, get fit, get out of debt, save money, or quit smoking. As a family our New Years Resolution is simply TIME. We intend to spend time as a family, time as individuals, time as husband and wife and taking the time to know and grow our children as individuals. Over the course of this year join me on our families journey of growth and share in our living Legacy of Time.
originally posted 12/31/2009
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