Taking Time to Pause

Spending quality time with each of our kids individually is always on our “to do” list but it is not something to check off and call it done. We strive to make it a part of life. As our lives are becoming busier, I am finding that a few minutes of individual quality time can be as rewarding, even more so, than planning a day filled of activities and hoopla. I often miss out on those opportunities because I am always going full speed ahead. As a list maker, I spend each day working to check each and every item off of that list, often failing to pause and just breathe and enjoy the day.

On my list today, I needed to pick up my packet for Pat’s run and go to the Harkins Movie Theater at Tempe Market Place to purchase Summer movie tickets. On schedule at 8:40 a.m. the baby and I jumped in the car and headed out to our destination.

Of course I am a wee bit challenged with directions, so we were in for an adventure from the get go. A few wrong turns and a u-turn later, we arrived at packet pick up. I get out of the car, grab the baby and start walking at my usual quick pace towards the tents. As I’m walking the baby starts saying, “The mountain. Look mommy the mountain.” She continued to go on and on about how “cool” and “big” the mountain was. I paused, for the first time in a long time, I paused. I looked at the mountain and could see the same awe that caught the eye of my toddler. After getting the packets, we took one more glance at the mountain and headed to our next destination.

A short drive down the road, we arrived at Tempe Marketplace. At the babies request, I put her in the stroller and we went straight to the Harkins. It took all of five minutes to get to the window and purchase the tickets. As I was swiftly walking back to the car to head home, I looked up and saw a handful of people just sitting around. They looked so relaxed, stress-free, and content. It was then when I realized the weather was gorgeous, making for a beautiful day. I took the stroller back to the car and told the baby we were going for a walk. We walked from the Harkins down to the Barnes and Noble. Obviously, being so early all the stores in between were closed. It was a perfect time to let my rambunctious two-year old walk free down the cobblestone walkway. She had a blast alternating the speed of her pace, from slow as a turtle to quick as a cheetah. She pointed out the flowers, the birds, and giggled at the water features. All things that go unnoticed in my quick get in and get out world.

We made our way into the Barnes and Noble and straight to the Starbucks we went. A grande coffee for mommy and a coffee cake for us to share. We sat in the café and at a leisurely pace, enjoyed our treat. I watched as her eyes lit up, in delight, with each and every scrumptious bite. We devoured every single crumb and then headed over to the kids books. I just watched with delight as she ooh and awed over all the books. She finally decided on an Elmo book for me to read. All on her own she choose, Elmo’s Take me Out to the Ball Game. Yes, that would be my girl. I read the book to her and found joy in the silly songs Elmo’s Dad sang to the tune of Take Me Out to The Ball Game and ending with “real” version. I even managed to throw in some love and logic parenting when she refused to put the book away. As I got down on my knees to be at her level, I looked her in the eyes and said, “Kailey, either you put the book away or mommy will put it away for you.” I started to count, “1, 2” and as soon as my mouth started to form the word three, she ran. Oh, well so much for that perfect parenting moment. After I caught her, I implemented parenting plan B: distraction. “Look Kailey, It’s Olivia.” I said, pointing to a stuff animal. She gave up the book and held Olivia. “Okay sweetheart, give her a hug goodbye,” I quickly instructed and we were on our way back.

We walked back down our same path towards the Harkins. Again, she marveled in all of the creation around us. Things that day after day I take for granted or don’t even notice. Our walk back was filled with, “Look mommies.” (Flowers, mommy birdies, clouds, color, cool air, people, water, bricks, trees) I kept her pace and even welcomed her adventurous detours. It was a great departure from me normally strapping her in a stroller or pulling her by the hand, eventually just picking her up in frustration of her pace, in order to get from point A to point B as quick as possible.

Today was a true blessing. I am privileged to be a stay at home mom and therefore everyday it is just the baby and me together during school hours. Far to often however, I put her on the back burner to accomplish my day to day task or our time together is contrived. Everyday I tell my kids, “shine like stars in the universe.” Not only did I get the pleasure of seeing my baby shine, I watched her sparkle with delight. Today is a day for the memory books and it wasn’t even on my “to do” list. Does this mean I will chuck my list? Nah. This just means that I will add, seeing the world like a two-year old baby girl to it. So I ask you, when was the last time you paused?

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

Monday, April 5, 2010, marked Opening Day for the Arizona Diamondbacks and as tradition would have it, the Cisneros family was in attendance. Getting there every year is somewhat of a production but I must say it is getting easier. The kids skipped school that day because as far as I am concerned, Opening Day should be a National holiday. That’s an excusable absence right? It made for a more relaxed morning. We slept in, had breakfast, and started the shower merry-go-round. I received a text from my mother-in-law to look on our front door. I was ecstatic to find D-Back shirts for all the kids! How awesome is she? Karisa put her artistic abilities to work and made a sign to take to the game. All the while, the clock continued to tick and it was getting closer and closer to GO time but Mr. C. was still at work. Our plan was to have my mother-in-law pick up Kaleb and meet us at the game, and Mr. C. was to get off work early, grab us and get to the game, ON TIME. In true heart attack fashion Mr. C. showed up with seconds before I went into panic mode and we were off to the game.

As creatures of habit, we parked in our usual parking garage, and entered through the same entrance, stopping to get Mr. C. a loaded hot dog before making our way up to our seats. We glanced at the time and we were incredibly early. We shook things up and took the kids to play at the playground before the game (we usually go during the third inning). While they were playing I signed them up for the Kids Club and the No Chew Crew. The benefits include receiving coupons, free t-shirt and every Sunday home game free for the kids! We made our way up to our seats just in time for my favorite game time tradition, The National Anthem. I love glancing over at my family to see all their little hands over their hearts. I didn’t even have to remind anyone. This year, I was especially pleased to watch Kurt Warner throw out the first pitch and even more impressed when my kids starting yelling, “He plays for the Cardinals!”

Our routine trips to the restroom and constant need for the kids to be stimulated seem to be a thing of the past. Kaleb sat looking cool in his Ray Ban shades, Karisa was busy keeping score (seriously couldn’t be prouder), Kaiden watched the game intently, while chowing down on four corn dogs, and Kailey was entertained by cheering and clapping with the crowd. Before we knew it we were singing ‘Take me out to the Ballgame”, the kids ate ice cream bought by grandma, and the game was over. We made it through the ENTIRE game. I think that is a first for opening day.

It gets easier! These simple words were once spoken to me by another mom whose kids are a few years older and I try to pass on those simple words because it really does. Long gone are the days of a diaper bag full of every necessity for those “just in case” baby moments. Also, gone are the traditions that once were on Opening Day and are replaced with adventures as the kids get older. Still, when Stephen Drew hit a rare inside the park home run, I was in the restroom. Not because I had to take one of the kids but because I really had to pee. Go figure!

Letting Go of Tradition

As the oldest of five children, every holiday was a party even if we celebrated alone. Easter was no exception. We would wake up early in the morning and go on our first hunt of the day, for our Easter Baskets, followed by church. An Easter egg hunt and of course food, was next but the location throughout the year varied. Sometimes it was just us and sometimes with our extended family (which meant an abundance of people). Small was never a word used to describe our gatherings.

Flash forward to the present and three kids later, I have continued this tradition. For the past few years my siblings have come over and we would have at least 12 kids total. I love the sound of a full house, kids playing and a never ending supply of food. Our Easter egg hunt was held in stages allowing the younger ones a fair chance, and who ever found “The Lucky Egg” was rewarded with a cash inside. We would continue the games with sack races, three leg race, etc. to exert our competitive nature. The younger kids would go first, the middle aged kids, next and of course the adults got in the action by going last.

However, this year my siblings were not making it out to our home. Aside from feeling sad, I was completely unsure as what to do. It was hard for me to comprehend such a small egg hunt and the elimination of games. I struggled to come up with a Plan B. Then, we were invited to one of my husband’s family gatherings (a small wedding) and we decided we would just do that. Unfortunately, we thought it was in town but in reality it would have been 8 hours of drive time (there and back) for a three hour visit. So we decided not to go. I found myself in a panic and desperate to hang on to our traditions.

I was brought to my knees and given relief with a calming peace to just let it go. My husband reassured me that we could have a fabulous Easter day with just us. We decided on a Easter menu and our hearts were set on having a day of fellowship and praise. I called my mother and brother in law and invited them over for lunch, thinking for sure they already plans, but they were free. I texted my step-son to solidify plans for him to be over for church and lunch and before I knew it I had a mini Plan B.

Sunday morning, our kids woke up and I made pancakes for breakfast, they searched for their baskets, we went to an amazing church service, and went home to prepare for our guest. Our guest arrived and after my husband blessed our food, we ate and ate some more. There was only one other child besides our own, so we had a mini egg hunt inside the house and a confetti egg “eggstravaganza”. It wasn’t the big family affair with all the hoopla of years past BUT it was wonderful and just as God intended it to be.

In retrospect, I learned that the legacy of love and togetherness trumps tradition any day of the week.

Cultivating Individual Time

Spending quality family time is crucial to having a thriving family but making time for ourselves as individuals is as equally important. As a family of six, we have struggled to balance between the two, all while juggling date night, Bible study, school work, dinner and all the other ins and outs that comes with managing a large family. We have a system in our family for making individual time a priority. It starts with declaring your passion of the moment. Once you have that figured out we follow these steps:

1. Set a Budget and Rules
2. Discuss Expectations
3. Create a Family Calendar
4. Be in the Moment

Setting a budget and rules is our first step. Finances play a major role in deciding what activities each individual can and can not do. We set aside money specifically used to participate in extra curricular activities. Keep in mind that there are other cost associated with activities aside from registration fees (practice equipment, water bottles, snacks etc.). We have to limit the amount of activities in a given period of time just because of logistics. During the last four years, while Kaleb wrestled, the other kids did not participate in anything extra. It would have been very difficult with the amount of traveling we did. We dedicated that time to Kaleb. Now that wrestling season is over, the rule in our house allows the other kids to each pick an activity. Kaiden chose T-Ball and Karisa chose soccer. Mr. C just started playing softball and I am continuing to train for my next race. However, there are times when our finances or our time do not allow for extra activities and we adjust accordingly.

Setting expectations allows everyone to be on the same page and alleviates miscommunication. We are in a season of our lives right now where Mr. C. is working long hours. When we were choosing activities for the kids, I knew that the burden of practices and games would be mine. I also knew that he would do what he could, when he could to carry some of that burden. Early in our marriage I would sign the kids up for things and then would get upset when he couldn’t make it or get overwhelmed with carrying the burden because I over booked myself. Now we are able to take a look at what we are getting ourselves into and come up with a game plan together. While Mr. C. plays softball and I run, we are committed to encouraging and supporting each other. Communication plays a major role in balancing our busy schedule.

Creating a schedule is a necessity for our family. It allows me to look at the day, week and month ahead. It also reminds everyone of the days activity. On the fridge, you could normally find what we are doing today. I have a weeks worth of activities displayed on my desk and everything else on a yearly calendar. Are you ready to see what the upcoming week looks like for the Cisneros Family?
Monday:
5:00p T-Ball
6:30p Bible Study
Tuesday:
9:00a MOMs
Wednesday:
5:30p T-Ball
Thursday:
Nothing
Friday:
5:00p Soccer
8:00p Softball
Saturday:
9:00a Soccer
Sunday:
7:30a Long Run
9:30a Church

Once you have all the logistics figured out, the key to maintaining peace in the chaos is to simply be in the moment. Remember this is individual time. I do my best to give as much support and praise to whatever kid we are watching. If our schedule permits we will go and watch Mr. C. play and support him, otherwise I make sure to ask him all about his game and give him assurance that our home life is covered. While I am out running, I have confidence that Mr. C has our home life covered and I concentrate on my run.

My advice to make sure that every member of the family feels like they are able to grow and accomplish things individually is to do it as a family. While one person in the family is cultivating their passion, the rest of the family should be their support (either by being there or giving them space). While activities will change, these steps continue to find themselves useful season after season.

Balancing Your Passion with Quality Family Time

Hello. It’s me again. Okay, so life has been a little busier than ever before. Kaleb placed 1st in his Regional Tournament, which meant a trip to the State Wrestling Tournament in Prescott, AZ. Oh, and there is the training for my very first half marathon I had to fit in between fulfilling my mommy and wife responsibilities. Kaleb didn’t place at State. It was very heartbreaking to watch him loose, knowing it was the very last time we would ever watch him wrestle. We have committed 4 years of our lives to watching him compete on the mat. He was visible frustrated and disappointed. He went out of the stadium to be alone and my husband went down after him to give him some fatherly advice and then left him to be alone. Eventually, Kaleb, made it up into the stands and hung out with us for a while making sure to give his daddy the biggest, unsolicited, hug before he rejoined his team. Is there anything more satisfying than seeing your son turn into a young man right before your eyes?

The purpose of this blog post is to give you a little insight on how we turn our passion for sports into quality family time. I will start by saying the fact that both my husband and I are both sports minded helps but even if you could care less about anything to do with sports I hope you find value in combining your passion with quality family time. For us it comes down to four basic steps:

1. Establish a Routine

2. Get the Kids Involved

3. Relate Life Lessons to the Sport

4. Have Fun and Go with the Flow

Establishing a routine is the key to handing down a legacy. During football season our routine depends on if the Cardinals are playing at home or not. Mr. C and I have Cardinals Season tickets, so if they play at home, the kids are watched by grandma and if they are away we watch at home, complete with a full Sunday menu of football food. The kids have learned the basics of the game by learning to wait for breaks, like half time, when we all play together. Every year we attend Opening Day for the Arizona Diamondbacks. During certain innings we get food, play on the playground, get more food and of course in unison sing “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” (a song my children learn as toddlers). Even more important, whether at home or at the game, our kids are taught from an early age to stand, remove their hats, and place their hand on their heart when the National Anthem is played, respect plain and simple. Our family looks forward to our established traditions upon each new sport season but we remain flexible by trying out new things as the kids get older.

Getting the kids involved allows them to become more invested in your time together. Our kids helped to decide our football menu every week. They also went with us the night before to shop for all the items and then helped to prepare the meals. We play math games using the score. The kids do not even realize they are learning! Last summer, Karisa, learned how to keep score during a baseball game. Now, she loves to watch just so she can keep score. Kaiden is all boy and prefers to reenact what he sees on television. Mr. C is happy to oblige. The baby is the most involved. She is the only one who will sit and watch an entire game, cheering and clapping the entire time (even if it is for the other team).

Relating life lessons to the sport is something I miss most about my dad. Up until the day he died I had only been to a handful of baseball games without my him. It was his time to give his insight on whatever was going on in my life at the time by using baseball analogies. It is a skill I lack but I do use the actions of players on the field to point out life lessons to our kids. If they are demonstrating poor sportsmanship we point it out and seek their advice on how it could be handled different. As much as possible we point out the good that goes unacknowledged by the media and make it a big deal for our kids making sure to praise the action, not the man (or women). This past College Football Season we had fun looking up the Bible versus players had displayed on them and discussing what it meant and hypothesizing why they chose the verse.

Having fun and going with the flow is crucial. Yes, Mr. C and I love to watch sports but we do not tie our kids down and make them watch too. We watch and hope that by following the above three steps, our kids will sit and watch too. We play catch in the house during the breaks, we call them to watch the replays of great plays, or while they are sitting with us, sneak in a life lesson. We celebrate by giving high fives and doing a silly dance. Is watching the game a priority in our house? Yes it is but make no mistake our kids, our family, our God come first and when life interrupts the game we go with the flow. Besides, we can always catch the highlights on Sports Center.

originally posted 2/19/2010

Juggling Quality Time with the Reality of Busyness

As soon as we decided to be conscious about the time we spend with each other this year, our time was kidnapped by the world. Fourteen days have gone by this year and this is the first time I have sat down to write. Dinner is on the stove, the kids are watching a movie and my husband is on his way home from work. Our family is in the midst of juggling some big transitions, all while trying to maintain our Resolution of Time.

On New Years Eve my husband was pleasantly blind sided with a promotion at work. We are obviously excited and thrilled but with this new position comes a shift in our normal. His hours have been a bit on the heavy side while he is learning the ropes. Even though our precious family dinners have been effected and I’m having to take on more of a burden here on the home front has cause some stressed, I have to constantly remember the big picture and give praise for this answered prayer.

For Kaleb, it is wrestling season. For the rest of the family that means traveling around the state to spend hours at a time in a musty high school gym. I remember my dad always showing up for whatever it was one of us kids were involved in. For my husband and I we do the same for our kids, often pushing convenience aside. This has been a successful wrestling season for Kaleb and I am so excited that I have been there for every minute of it. We have made the decision to pull our kids from school during his Friday/Saturday tournaments. We do this to give our time and attention to Kaleb while he is wrestling and spend time with the other kids during the many breaks. Unfortunately, with my husbands new position he had to miss one of Kaleb’s tournament. It was a gut wrenching weekend but my husband did manage to leave work and make it for the championship round, give Kaleb a hug and congratulate him for taking 2nd place and zipping back to work.

As for the rest of the kids: I am diligently working on building a closer relationship with Karisa. We have made several meals together from a cook book she received as a Christmas gift. We have also discovered that if we ask he to write out her answer she is much more open with her feelings, instead of the normal I don’t know answer. Upcoming for her, is another season of ROCK (bible study for 1-3 graders) and soccer at her request. Kaiden has just been along for the ride. We have a special Father/Son night out in the works and baseball season starts at the end of March. Then there is the baby, Kailey. I still feel like she is getting the short end of the stick from the parenting stand point but we are getting better at dealing with the wrath of disciplining a two year old.

As for me, I have started another session as a table leader for a MOMs group. It is my two hours a week to be recharged and get my dose of just enough adult conversation and fellowship to make it through another week. I am also attempting to train for a half marathon in February. My husband and I are in a small group and meet once a week to grow together spiritually. We had Cardinals season tickets and enjoyed dating at every home game. Of course seeing the Cardinals win their first playoff game was a delightful way to spend time with each other, close friends, and about 80,000 screaming fans.

How are you spending your time this year? Our lives are busier than ever before. One thing is for certain, we do busy as a family. This Saturday is my birthday, but even more exciting will be the Cardinals playing the Saints, a must win, on the road to the Super Bowl. Join me next time, as I share how my husband and I turn our passion for sports into quality family time.

originally posted 1/15/2010

Our New Years Resolution: Time

This past summer, I wrote a series of articles on the topic Leaving A Legacy for the Girlfrientit.com site. I am on a never ending mission to figure out how to be in the moment while establishing a lasting legacy. My husband and I constantly and consistently work on establishing values and morals centered in Christ as the foundation of our family structure. Obviously, we are aware that our day to day actions are what build (or tear down) our legacy. Although this has proven to be a challenging feat, I am discovering that doing so in accordance with the four separate personalities of our children demands a tremendous amount of work on our part as parents.

I think as parents we have a moment when we are wondering why one of our children is so difficult or we clash with one more than the others. Then one day, all of a sudden, as we are looking them right in the eyes, we realize we might as well be looking in the mirror. The reason for the friction is because they are a clone of ourselves or the miniature version of our significant other. Fortunately, there are plenty of ways to figure out the personalities of each of our family members. There is even a personality test on this site. Once we know each others personality we can adapt our demeanor to best deal with each other. What I struggle with is trying not to corrupt my children with my own dreams and aspirations for them, paired with putting them in a labeled box.

It is exhausting just to manage the everyday of our household, getting the kids to school, homework and the limited extra curricular activities they are allowed all while maintaining a thriving relationship with my husband. As the kids get older we are getting a clearer vision of their unique gifts and very different personalities. Their common denominator is that they are all very much strong willed and competitive.

Our oldest Kaleb, my step-son, is a senior in high school and has just been accepted into ASU’s School of Engineering. Although he has had to adjust to the whole blended family thing, we have learned to concentrate on our time with him and put the rest in hands greater than ours. For Kaleb, it has been important to me from day one not to separate him in any way from the rest of our family. He is in his fourth year of wrestling and we have made it to nearly every match. A difficult accomplishment when at some point throughout the years we have had toddlers, been pregnant, nursing, changing diapers, potty training and taking kids out of school all to support him. The greatest reward in all of the madness of sitting in a dirty smelly gym for 12 hour days came this year when he made it a point to thank us for coming after every match. A sign of affirmation to us as parents of his growth. It is very difficult to let go and watch him spread his wings and even more difficult to follow through on the discipline that has had to come when he has made poor choices. Our obstacle in parenting him is figuring out our place in his soon to be adult life and adjusting our boundaries from child to man.

Karisa, is eight and in the third grade. As much as I wish she was more athletic and had a passion for sports as I did, she does not. She is very quiet and enjoys the more artistic side of life. She loves to draw, read write and recently has fallen in love with taking pictures. My biggest obstacle in parenting her is getting her to talk to me. Her answer for everything is “I don’t know.” She even refuses to pick a favorite anything: part of a book, part of a movie, part of the day, etc. It kills me mostly because of the pressure I put on myself to have a meaningful mother/daughter relationship with her. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Kaiden is 5 and in kindergarten. We have been blessed with kindest spirit. He is always thinking of others, especially his sisters. He naturally puts others before himself and is the peacemaker in any situation. No matter where we are or what we are doing, strangers always have a comment about his contagious spirit. He is also truly wild at heart. The kid is on the go from the moment he opens his eyes until the second they shut at night. My greatest obstacle parenting him is trying not to crush his spirit while giving him the discipline he requires.

Kailey is 2. She is a firecracker. She definitely has a mind of her own and knows exactly what she wants. It is very funny to me how girly and unruly she is all at the same time. She loves to play with her babies, just like a real mommy and enjoys pretending (and on occasion has managed for real) to put on make up. She loves to sing, dance, and play dress up. It is really amazing since none of the girly stuff comes from me or her older sister. At the same time she has managed to bring Kaiden to his knees and loves to watch sports. My biggest obstacle in parenting her is to actually parent her instead of giving in, in order to keep the peace.

The most common New Year Resolutions are to loose weight, get fit, get out of debt, save money, or quit smoking. As a family our New Years Resolution is simply TIME. We intend to spend time as a family, time as individuals, time as husband and wife and taking the time to know and grow our children as individuals. Over the course of this year join me on our families journey of growth and share in our living Legacy of Time.

originally posted 12/31/2009